And here we are…

This journey I am on did not start out this way by choice, but remaining on this singles trip or whatever the kids are calling it, is my choice. I had an old coworker who always told me “baby, there’s an ass for every seat” and I know there is so much truth to that. Heck, I’ve been a living testimony to that concept most of my life. And at 41, there are so many days that I desire a seat for my ass…or maybe an ass for my seat but I do know I’m just not ready.

I’ve been proposed to 4 times. I’m not saying that at all to try to throw in a humble brag, but to simply show how much I suck at the whole relationship thing. This last one, though, was a cut so deep that I don’t see a recovery in my future. I just knew he was the one I would marry. But, one minute you’re cruising down the highway of life, and out of nowhere a car pulls out in front of you and you are forced to slam on your brakes. When the smell of burning rubber dissipates, you are forced to step back and ask yourself how in the world this happened. And more importantly, you have to take precautions to ensure it never happens again. And that’s where we are.

My pastor and his wife are a lovely couple. They are the couple you aspire to be like. Both, very successful in different ways and they just compliment each other perfectly. Am I saying they are perfect? Absolutely not; they are human. But they have such a deep rooted, solid love and respect for each other that makes you look at them and ask, “What are they doing? And how do I get there?” Which is why I wasn’t the least bit surprised when they did a relationship vlog. My pastor also interviewed a friend of his who apparently also has a successful marriage. It was very informative and you could feel the words weren’t just for show, it was truly how they live their lives. And so I was only half joking when I harassed him on Sunday for not asking me for my input. (I literally just have a dog) But I’ve been thinking about that in the weeks since. Of course I would be the perfect person to provide my thoughts on the subject. You don’t truly know how to do something, unless you’ve failed at it, right? Failing at something gives you a different perspective, an insight. You are the one who can say what not to do. And let’s face it folks, I have plenty of experience at relationship failure.

Most of us women weren’t born crazy. With the breakdown of the traditional family unit over the years, a lot of women have deep issues and traumas from childhood that we carry with us into adulthood. And that also means we carry these unresolved issues into our relationships as well. I’m not saying men don’t have these issues, because everyone has issues, but they tend to manifest in different ways. I do believe women who have experienced emotional trauma in childhood always long for understanding from their partner.

In retrospect, there were so many things I would have done differently in my last relationship. If only I had a magic wand…But since I don’t, the only thing I can do from here is try ever so hard to work on myself so that history doesn’t repeat itself. As women, we are born with a nurturing instinct. We nurture our children (except, I don’t have any), we nurture our men (except, I don’t have one), and if we have nothing to nurture, we nurture our pain. I want to break that pain nurturing cycle that I’ve been caught up in for far too long.

Through my journey to becoming a Superhero, I will be writing about my areas of failure in my last relationship and why I think I allowed my crazy train to leave the depot so many times. Hope you will join me❤️