Sitting and watching someone prepare to leave their earthly life for their eternal life is not for the weak. And all these years I believed I was so strong. Boy was I wrong.
It’s Christmas time and I’m not feeling very festive. The memory of listening to Christmas records sitting around my grandma’s fireplace has been replaced with the current reality of listening to them on my phone while gathered around her hospital bed. She sleeps and looks so beautiful and peaceful. And we wait. And sadly, I know what we’re waiting for.
My active 94 year old grandmother came home to my mom’s house on Monday on hospice. She’s confined to a hospital bed. For how long, who knows. We all relish in the moments she’s awake because her mind is still very sharp. Even as weakness sets in and her body fails her, she is aware of everything, remembers everything and is still sweet and witty. At a mere 90 something pounds, she still remains the strongest member of our family. If there was no hospital bed, she looks as if she’s recuperating from something like a stomach virus. Unfortunately ginger ale and chicken noodle soup can’t fix this. I wish the few spoonfuls of chicken broth and sips of ensure would serve to turn back the hands of time so we could love her a little longer, but I know that’s not going to happen.
I feel certain she knows exactly what is happening, but we don’t talk about it. We make small talk, share stories, crack a few jokes and tell each other how much we love each other. And in those moments I am full. I know how much she loves me; I’ve never doubted that. I hope she knows what an impact her presence has made on this world and how much I love her. I tend to problem solve. I read, I learn, I fix things. It’s difficult to be in the middle of something and not be able to make it better. We almost lost her last week, on Thanksgiving, so the days since have been a true gift from God. Many people face death of a loved one with no opportunity to right the wrongs, ask for forgiveness and say “I love you” one more time. And we have been given that. And we are thankful. We are also thankful that she is not in pain and seems at peace. That was a far cry from what got her here. Her pain was so severe she was crying.
That brought about the question from someone, why God would allow someone like her to suffer so greatly? Not just from her multiple myeloma, but the other pain throughout her life. She’s suffered immense pain on several occasions. The answer to that question about my grandma, came from my grandma. She would say “nobody makes it through this life without suffering something. Pain is everywhere. But the pain of this world is only temporary and living for Jesus Christ grants us the promise of eternal life, free of everything this worldly life offers. We are given trials, tribulations and pain to humble us and allow us to relate to others. Pain and struggle awards us compassion and understanding for people. It gives us the ability to love and share kindness where we can.”
That sums up how my grandmother lives. She has so many friends and is loved by so many people. Being loved by her is the ultimate gift. It’s like a warm blanket on a cold day. It fills you up when you’re empty. We all want to be loved by her the most. And we all are. She gives the best advice and sometimes her listening ear is all we need in times of uncertainty. She allows a safe space to speak without judgement.
What a great gift she has given to all of us. And when her time on this earth is no more, we will have to learn to adjust to a new normal, but she will say “it is well with my soul” and she will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’
And we wait…🥺
Single Sarcastic Superhero 