A friend of mine shared a meme with me many years back that I think about to this day on a regular basis. (Hopefully I can figure out how to add it to the bottom of this post) It’s the picture of a little girl holding a small teddy bear. She is facing Jesus and He’s asking her to give it to Him and trust Him; meanwhile, He’s holding a huge teddy bear behind His back. She can’t see this, of course, and is faced with the choice to trust and let go and be vulnerable to the possibility that He has something better in store for her or hang on to something that is no longer useful.
Even though I think of this meme constantly, doesn’t mean I’ve made the right choice through the years. Most times I hold tight to each and every single thing I have; dysfunctional relationships, trauma, the past…you name it, I’m holding it. As my walk with Christ matures and as I feed my soul with God’s Word and prayer I feel as though my relationship with Him has allowed me the strength to release some of the burden I’ve been holding.
Up until Friday, I worked in senior living. I was hired in the business office and I absolutely loved my job. Covid caused the industry to take a major hit staffing wise and we were called to wear many hats. Many hats. Collectively we were working all the time and were working ridiculous hours. It was a crazy period for the world. In spite of the chaotic hours, I still loved it. I was one of a few people who worked in the kitchen which was fine for a while as it gave me a perspective on something where I had no previous frame of reference. For 20 plus years I sat at a desk all day and eventually the physical intensity of this current job modification began to take a toll on my body. I was taking at least 12 ibuprofen daily, 4 in which I popped before I even got out of bed. This went on for at least 9 months to a year. In hindsight, this was a terrible choice. At the time I thought nothing of it since it was over the counter. I mentioned several times about the toll this was taking on me physically. My supervisor explained that this was just part of the job and a requirement. Taking all the meds sent me to the ER twice and I seriously thought I was dying. My body was just off. I couldn’t keep anything down and I just didn’t feel well. But I kept going to work; always on time and never calling in. I did so many scans and tests and the Dr determined there was a problem with my liver. It never occurred to me to tell the Dr about all the ibuprofen and vitamins I was taking since it was over the counter. When I mentioned it to her in passing, she instructed me to stop all but my prescriptions immediately.
During this period, I mentioned to my supervisor again about the issues I was having and it still fell on deaf ears. My doctor even said she would give me a note to modify my job. Actually this wasn’t a modification at all, because I was able to complete the job I was hired to do just fine. At this point I felt in my spirit every single day that I wasn’t supposed to be there any longer. But I loved all my coworkers and residents who had become family over the almost 5 years. The picture of the teddy bear kept playing in my mind, but I stayed. After two weeks of prescriptions only, I felt alive again. I was taking medication to heal me while working in an environment that was making me sick. Crazy to think about now. I went on job interviews that fell flat. I had no prospects. But the urge to quit kept getting stronger and stronger.
During my last 6 months of employment, solely by accident, I discovered something that made me question my boss’s integrity. I did tell her about it and it confirmed for me what I was thinking. I couldn’t get past it and so, I did it. I gave the required month notice…with no job or prospects coming down the pike. It was that instant that I felt peace like I can’t explain. I received a notice that I could defer 2 months of car payments. And I began getting floods of calls for interviews. The interviews didn’t pan out, but not for one second have I questioned the decision I made. Friday, when I clocked out it was 2:30pm and I walked out of the doors of a place that I loved, but was no longer serving my purpose. I sat in my car and didn’t think of it as over. I thought of it as complete. I had completed my mission! And I drove off praying for God to take care of me and that I’m all His. I had just pulled out of the lot to head home and my phone rings. It was 2:41pm and it was a call from a referral from a friend. They are looking for someone with my skill set and background. My friend said it’s pretty much a done deal. And the lady was talking to me as if the job is mine. I will be meeting her tomorrow at 10am to discuss hours and salary. I cried the whole way home.
I’m not recommending anyone just up and quit their job…especially in this economy, but I recommend letting go of things that are no longer suited for you. Trust that God has so much more in store for you than you can imagine!
Single Sarcastic Superhero 