Last song I burned up like the one above was Purple Rain. I remember it very vividly…this guy who was crazy about me used to sing it at this karaoke bar my BFF and I used to go to several nights a week. It was a packed house and we felt like celebrities when he would get off the stage and come sit at our table. Such a long time ago, but I remember my coworkers talking mess because I played it over and over and over. Needless to say he wasn’t my type. Good job, financially secure, respected me, and didn’t need me…All the things I long for now, at 41. He is now married, has a son, and his job transferred him last year to Alaska (which coincidentally is on my bucket list of places to visit) Funny how you wish you could have met people at a different time in your life. But sometimes it be like dat.
The song above is called Jealous, by Labrinth. And I could easily have written it. It’s like he pulled the words directly from my heart. The song in its entirety depicts the emotion I’ve been feeling. The other one of the week is Falling, by Harry Styles. In the second one, it’s just one part that gets me. He sings “What if I’m down, what if I’m out? What if I’m someone you won’t talk about? I’m falling again, I’m falling again…I’m falling. And I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again.” I played that shit out all week in tears, but when I played them today, I got a nice chuckle. “I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me”…Today I say “toodaloo, bro.” And the other one, “And I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again.”…Today I say “Thank God! I dodged a bullet on that one.” My perspective is changing, and I’m finally getting over this funk that I’ve been in. Freaking finally.
Like you know and I know and I mentioned in my previous post, our life experiences have conditioned us to react the way we do to certain things. For me, growing up, I always felt like I was so easily forgotten and so easily replaced. I mean, I was. For whatever reason. So in the back of my mind, me just showing up and being me was never enough. I would find people who needed me to help them. In doing things for them, like helping them get a good job, or letting them move in, made me feel like they would stay with me forever. Hell no! They were opportunists. I helped them, in turn forgetting about what I was put on this earth for. My focus became 100% about them. I stopped thinking about me and my goals. My goals ended up being about helping them become self sufficient. When they didn’t become what I wanted them to be, I would get frustrated and send them packing. And when they did, they left. Because it was never about me, or us. It was about getting on their feet and pursuing the relationship they really wanted. And today, I am thankful that my vision is changing. My last ex, if he is doing well and is conquering the world, happy, then I’m happy for him. If not, then he’s someone else’s problem. And that’s how I’m looking at it.
It’s easy to find someone. The world is full of lonely men who would enjoy the company of a woman who can clean and throw down in the kitchen. But since I don’t do so well picking, I’m just going to sit back and be receptive to the man that God is going to allow to cross my path. And that’s what we have to do in times of trouble. Clear your mind of all the extra distractions, pray, and wait. Being a wife is a desire God has placed in my heart. He would never have placed that in my heart if He didn’t plan on fulfilling it.
My advice to you, is whatever desire God has placed in you, He has every intention on fulfilling it. He plans on fulfilling it more than you could ever imagine. He wants to be needed too. And if you think you have it all figured out, He will step back and watch you. But the second you turn it over to Him, just watch Him work!!!
Single Sarcastic Superhero 