Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard. And mostly what I need from you…🎶🎵🎶

*My post titles usually have a reference to a movie or a song lyric. Sometimes it’s easier to get your feelings across by that avenue rather than anything else.

My favorite quote of all time was written by Rayya Elias and reads: “The truth has legs; It always stands. When everything else in the room has blown up, or dissolved away, the only thing left standing will always be the truth. Since that’s where you’re going to end up anyway, you may as well start there.”

If you’ve followed me this far, you know that my last relationship should have been over before it began, really. There are a lot of us who see the red flags and overlook them or take them as some ridiculous mile marker in the obstacle course of life. We speed up and zip right by them not knowing that if we keep it up, we’re headed straight over a cliff. Or maybe we do know but the view from the top is so amazing that we keep zooming on. Pretty bizarre that I’m so deathly afraid of heights, but cliff dive like a beast. But…such is life.

The quote above is so powerful that I fell in love with it the moment I heard it. Unfortunately, I can’t articulate the way she did or it could have been my phrase. It is EXACTLY how I feel. EXACTLY! Obviously I’m not successful in allowing someone a safe place to show who they truly are, because I tend to hook up with a lot of men who wouldn’t know the truth if it bit them on the ass but I sincerely try. I tend to internalize that though. Like, if I was this or if I was that he would be more willing to open up and show who he really is. I have lost a lot of sleep over that and my advice to you is…take your ass to bed, girl. It’s not you! This man isn’t ok with who he is!!! And I know, you are a powerful, smart, beautiful woman, but hear me when I say…you ain’t gonna change him, so keep it moving!

I dated a guy one time and he lied just to lie. For no reason. It got to the point that if I called him at lunch time and asked if he was wearing a red shirt or blue shirt, I wouldn’t know what color shirt he was really wearing until he came home that evening. It was freaking insane how much this guy lied. But even more insane was how long I stuck around and begged him to tell the truth. Not one of my finest moments, but I digress. The final straw was when he went out of town one weekend and he left before I got home from work. I got home to a clogged toilet. Never mind the fact that I was dating someone who couldn’t do something so simple as to plunge a toilet, but he left it for me for when I got home. Seriously dude!! I called him and asked him why he left it like that. He said it wasn’t him. To my knowledge it was him and I and 2 dogs that lived there and I was at work all day and I know it wasn’t my dogs…so… Needless to say that ended shortly thereafter.

But Grenades lies weren’t like that, though. Grenade would lie about things like his drinking habits and his feelings and what he wanted out of life. I think those lies were so much worse than the clogged toilet, because I actually believed him. Damn, I believed him when he said he wanted to create a life with me. When he said he loved me. When he said he was tired of the small town life and the big city had more opportunities and more of a chance to flourish. I believed him. Each and every word that rolled so effortlessly off his tongue, I believed. But, the one thing I never believed was that he wasn’t drinking. When I came home and kissed him because I was so happy to see him after being gone all day, I smelled the alcohol. Sure, I drilled him about it like the drill sargent I can be. And yes, he called me crazy, a title that I can’t seem to get rid of. I’ve struggled with alcohol for as long as I can remember and there’s a difference between the smell that just comes from your mouth and the smell that comes up from your stomach. I may not know much about biology or quantum physics, but I’m well read in alcoholism and addiction.

I had a great Aunt who told me, “I never went into a beer joint to get my husband.” When I was growing up, I assumed it was because he didn’t go into a beer joint, therefore there was no reason to get him from a beer joint. Her life seemed pretty peaceful and normal, and man, this lady had more faith in God than anyone I have ever known. And she didn’t drink, so I had no reason to believe otherwise. But, I am who I am, so about 6 months before she passed away, I needed a little clarification. I asked her, “Did he never go to a beer joint, or did you just never go get him from a beer joint?” Turns out, he was there, but she just let him be and never attempted to get him. Or change him.

There are 2 points I am trying to make with this post. First, assuming you have blown right past all the non-negotiables and red flags, you have said (without the words) that you are accepting this person how they are. My advice to you is to just let them be. You should have stopped it before, yes. We all should have, but since you’ve gotten this far, just let them be. The key to a happy life, at this point, is to allow them to be who they are and for you to just accept it. After all, you knew and blew past the red flags anyway. My Aunt, had a peaceful life. She was happy. And she just let him be who he was. She loved him unconditionally, flaws and all. The second thing I hope to get across is to always, always, always tell the truth about yourself; about who you are; what you like and dislike; your plans for the future; your feelings for your partner; where you see the relationship going; your insecurities; your little quirks, and anxieties. And I’m not saying that is easy. I don’t think people lie maliciously. I think it’s insecurity that makes us tell things about ourselves that aren’t true. But you owe it to yourself and your partner to give the truth. Allow them to make a decision with all the information on the table, not to drag on a relationship that was started under false pretenses. And they may not like you, and it may prevent the relationship from moving in the direction you once hoped it would. And guess what? THAT’S OK!!! We all deserve to be with someone who loves us exactly how we are.

On a side note: Grenade currently lives in the town he claimed to dislike, and I am in the city all alone. And guess what? I’m ok!!!❤️